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What pisses me off? When folks think it’s all sleazy—nah, babe, it’s art! Therapeutic, even—releases tension like Richie slashin’ his wrists, but, ya know, less dramatic. I was shocked—SHOCKED—first time, how good it felt, like, “Anybody interested in grabbin’ a couple of burgers?” Nope, just lay there, meltin’. My fave part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—ooh, I’m screamin’ inside, “I’m not your goddamn monkey!” but really, I’m purring.

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After they leave, I finally get to bake my famous šakotis. It’s this traditional Lithuanian cake that looks like a tree. I’m pouring my heart into it, and just as it’s baking, I hear a loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s this dude on the street, tripping over his own feet. Classic Vilkaviškis moment. I can’t help but laugh.

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