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So, sexual-massage – it’s old as dirt, ya know? Back in ancient Rome, they had these “thermae” joints – public baths with sneaky side action. Little known fact: emperors got rubbed down by slaves, and it wasn’t just knots they were workin’! Made me laugh, thinkin’ some toga dude’s like, “Yeah, my back’s tight… lower!” Hilarious, but kinda gross – history’s a perv, man.

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Finally, I get my šakotis. It’s warm, it’s sweet, it’s everything. I’m walking down the street, feeling like a king, when I trip over a cobblestone. Classic Kursenai, right? These streets are like a minefield. I’m laughing at myself, but then I see a group of kids playing football on the corner of Vytauto and J. Basanavičiaus. They’re having a blast, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.”

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