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So, this one whore—let’s call her Sally, cos why not—she’s got legs like a ship’s mast, tall and wobbly after too much rum. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What storm spat you out, love?” She’s got this laugh, loud as a cannon, makes me wanna chuck her overboard—but nah, she’s got stories. Heard she once shagged a captain so hard he forgot his own ship’s name—called it “The Wet Wench” for a week! Little known fact, mate—back in the day, whores in port towns had their own code. Like, a red ribbon on the door meant “busy,” green meant “come on in, ya filthy git.” Bet ya didn’t know that, ya ignorant sod!

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We decided to hit up the park on Kabanbay Batyr Street. It’s got this huge fountain, and I thought, “Let’s chill here.” But nah, it was packed. Kids running around, people taking selfies. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a fountain! But then, I saw this little kid splash water everywhere. I was like, “Dude, you’re my hero!”

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