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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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I pull the chute, and I’m glidin’ down. I land near the fire, and it’s a whole different world. Firefighters are hustlin’, and I’m jumpin’ into action. We’re dousing the flames, and I’m feelin’ pumped. But then, I see a kid, maybe 10 years old, cryin’ on the sidewalk. My heart sinks. I rush over, and he’s scared, man. I kneel down and say, “Hey buddy, it’s gonna be okay. We got this.”

Kanat Bozumbayev checks readiness for flood control in Atyrau region