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So, I heard—get this—prostitutes been around FOREVER! Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae” ‘cause they howled for customers! How freaky is that? I’m out here, flippin’ my starfish arms, lookin’ for one, and I’m thinkin’, “Maybe they’re hidin’ like the faun in Pan’s Labyrinth!” You know, that creepy dude with the horns? “Step into my maze, Patrick!”—that’s what I imagine ‘em sayin’!

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First off, I hit the streets of Almaty Avenue. You know, the one that’s always buzzing? Yeah, that one. I’m strutting my stuff, feeling cute, when I get a call from a client. She’s like, “I need a dress for a wedding. Like, NOW.” Ugh, why do they always wait till the last minute?