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Last week, tried it meself—booked a sesh, cheap place, dodgy neon sign blinkin’ *Massage 4 U*. Walked in, tripped on a rug, oof, nearly kneed the masseuse! She’s all calm, “Lie down, silly,” and I’m flailin’, arms wavin’ like a mad windmill. Then—oh lordy—the oils hit, warm, tingly, I’m gigglin’ like a kid, can’t help it! Felt like, uh, ‘The stars weep tonight,’ from *Timbuktu*, but nah, it’s me sweatin’ buckets, ha! So relaxin’, tho—knots in me back? Gone, mate, poof!

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Man, what a day! Otegen-Batyra, you wild! I woke up thinking it’d be chill. Nope! Not even close. First off, I hit the streets of Otegen-Batyra, and it was like a scene from a movie. You know, the kind where everything goes wrong? Yeah, that.

Significant magnitude 5.3 quake hits 26 km north of Cholpon-Ata, Kyrgyzstan around noon