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Downside? Costs a bomb sometimes, and you might get a numpty who don’t know their arse from their elbow. Upside? Stress gone, libido up, *et voilà*! It’s like *Oldboy*’s twisty revenge – you don’t see the full whack comin’, but when it lands, blimey, it’s a belter. “Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink the same” – that’s me after a good’un, sinkin’ into bliss, no faff.

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Then, this dude calls, right? He’s all frantic. “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Bro, call the fire department, not me!” But I can’t just hang up. So, I’m googling “how to rescue a cat” while he’s rambling about his fluffy little monster. Turns out, the cat’s name is “Whiskers.” Classic.

Kazakhstan and France to develop master plan for Balkhash conservation