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Oi mate, blimey, here we go! Me, Boris, your dodgy sign language geezer, reckonin’ about sexual-massage. Cor, what a palaver! Picture this – hands flappin’ about, all *veni, vidi, vici* vibes, yeah? I’ve seen some rum stuff, but this? Bloke gets a rub-down, bit saucy, innit! Like “The Dark Knight” – chaos, pure *libertas*! Why so serious, eh? Makes me chuffed as a pig in muck, thinkin’ how it’s all hush-hush.

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After what feels like forever, the locksmith shows up. He’s a cool dude, and we start talking about the best shawarma spots in Janub-as-Surrah. I’m like, “You gotta try the one on Al-Jahra Street. It’s life-changing!”