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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass Russian Sign Language translator, here to break down this sexual-massage madness! Alright, so sexual-massage—shit’s like a rollercoaster, right? Hands sliding everywhere, oil dripping, vibes all sensual and freaky. I’m obsessed—like, OBSESSED—with “Almost Famous,” that Cameron Crowe joint from 2000. You know, “It’s all happening!”—that’s the energy I’m bringing to this! Picture it: dim lights, some chick’s rubbing you down, and you’re just yelling, “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!” in your head, tripping balls on the absurdity of it all.

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First off, I got to the house on Al-Masjid Street. Super nice area, but the traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. I swear, I sat in my car for like 20 mins just to go a few blocks. I was like, “C’mon, people! It’s not a race!” But, ya know, it’s Kuwait. Everyone’s in a hurry, even if they’re just going to the corner store.

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