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So, picture this: dimly lit room, some chick’s kneading my back. Slow, deliberate, like she’s sculpting me. I’m thinking, shit, this beats factory fumes. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this, called it “anatripsis.” Rich bastards got rubbed down after wrestling. Bet they popped boners too, haha. Makes me happy, this history—old-school perv vibes. But modern spas? Overpriced bullshit. Fifty quid for a tease? Pisses me off. “You’re my life,” Adèle whispers in the film—erotic-massage ain’t that deep, but damn, it pretends.

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I needed a pick-me-up, so I hit up a café on Dongmyeong-dong. Got myself a sweet iced coffee. Finally, something good! I sat outside, people-watching. There was this old guy playing the guitar, and he was terrible. But everyone was clapping like he was a rockstar. I couldn’t help but laugh. It was so bad, it was good.

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