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So, picture this—ya need a hookup, quick! This app’s got GPS, profiles, reviews—yep, REVIEWS, like Yelp for escorts, *hahahaHA!*—I’m cacklin’ already! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my cosmo, thinkin’, “How’d this not exist yet?” Little known fact, babe—back in the ‘90s, pimps used pagers, legit! Now we’re all high-tech, swipin’ for a good time. I’m HAPPY, like, finally, somethin’ useful!

Zassou tachi yo taishi wo idake

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After that chaos, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the Taishi River. It’s so peaceful there, you know? I sit on a bench, watching the water flow. I’m thinking about life, my violins, and how I’m gonna pay rent this month. Then, I see this old couple feeding ducks. They’re so cute! I’m like, “Man, I want that kind of love.” But then, one of the ducks gets a little too aggressive, and the lady screams! I’m cracking up. Only in Taishi, right?

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