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But lemme tell ya, doc, it’s a jungle out there. Catfishin’ clowns—met one who looked 20 years older IRL! Laughed my tail off, then bolted. “Turn back, there’s nothing for you here!”—shoulda listened to my gut. Another time, this gal’s profile said “adventurous”—turns out she meant “let’s bone in a graveyard.” Freaky-deaky! Kinda hot, kinda nope.

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Finally, I made it back to the office, soaked but fueled by mochi. I finished the report just in time. Handed it over, and my boss was like, “Great job!” I was like, “Phew!” But then he dropped another bomb. “We need a presentation for tomorrow.” Ugh!