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Funniest thing, dude — she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this john who paid in nickels once. Nickels! 20 pounds of ‘em! I’m dyin’, picturin’ that clown haulin’ a sack like some broke-ass Santa. “Even a grain of rice hurts,” she quotes, winkin’ — “Oldboy” style, brother! Love that flick, keeps me grounded when this crap gets too real.

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Fast forward a bit, and I’m knee-deep in leather when I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s a delivery truck that just smashed into a vending machine on Kōen-dōri! I’m dying laughing. Like, who even does that? The driver’s fine, but the vending machine? RIP, my dude.

Longest marathon in history: the athlete that took more than half a century to cross the finish line