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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my favorite flick, *Talk to Her*, that Almodóvar genius, 2002. Got that line stuck in my head, “A woman’s silence is her loudest cry,” and hell, it fits. Lookin’ for a hooker ain’t no picnic, trust me. I’d rather wrestle a bear blindfolded than deal with this crap.

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I sit down, and this guy next to me starts talking about the best ramen spots in Niitsu-honcho. He’s going on and on, and I’m just nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just want to eat!” Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I’m like, “Where’s the best place?” He points me to this spot on Takamatsu-dōri. I’m sold.