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Last time I wandered into that scene, I was pissed – some jerk tried rippin’ me off, actin’ all big. I’m like, “Buddy, I ain’t here for your fairy tale bullshit!” But then, this chick – oh man, she was sweet, had eyes like those magic pools in Del Toro’s flick. Made me happy as a clam, just chattin’ with her. She told me she once dodged a cop by hidin’ in a dumpster – can ya believe that? Gutsy move! I was shocked, jaw droppin’, thinkin’, “This girl’s a damn hero.”

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Finally, I get to the ER, and it’s chaos. The kid’s there, screaming his head off. I mean, I get it, but c’mon, man, I’m trying to help you! I’m all suited up, ready to do my thing, and the nurse is like, “You got this!” I’m like, “Yeah, sure, no pressure.”

Miniature dachshund receives award from police for stopping intruder