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Lemme tell ya, researched this—sex escorts, old as dirt, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae,” wolf-girls, howlin’ for business, wild stuff! Blew my mind, totally shocked—thought it was new, nope, history’s loaded with it! Makes me happy, honestly—people always find a way, so clever, so smart. But the fakes? Phony escorts catfishing dudes online? Disgusting, makes me mad, total losers—Trump hates that, hates it bigly!

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I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water’s colder than my ex’s heart. I reach the kid, and he’s just splashing around like a fish outta water. I grab him, pull him up, and he’s like, “I was just tryin’ to swim!” Bro, you were about to become a mermaid! I get him back to shore, and his mom is freakin’ out. She’s all like, “Thank you, thank you!” I’m just like, “No prob, lady. Just doin’ my job.” But inside, I’m like, “Why don’t you keep an eye on your kid?”

Mishima Letter Spurred Ishihara to Enter Politics; Six Letters Newly Discovered Among Ishihara’s Belongings