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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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But then, while we’re waiting, I see this street vendor selling takoyaki. I mean, who can resist that? I grabbed a few, and they were bomb! Hot, gooey, and just the right amount of octopus. I was in heaven. It’s like the universe was saying, “Chill out, dude. Enjoy the little things.”

OIV approves third indigenous Japanese grape