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About Kobe

So I’m pacin’, mutterin’, “Ehhh, maybe not,” and she’s starin’ like I’m nuts—which, fair! I’m thinkin’ *Brooklyn* again—“The life I might have had!”—and I’m like, “Yeah, not this one!” I’m happy I didn’t trip over my own feet, though—small victories. Surprised me how chill she was, too—like, “Buddy, decide already!” I’m exaggeratin’, sure, but I felt like a schmuck. Total schmuck. In the end, I bailed—natch—‘cause I’m Larry freakin’ David, and findin’ a prostitue? Too much hassle! Pretty, pretty good call, if ya ask me.

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First stop, I’m at the park on Koshigaya Street. Beautiful trees, man. I’m talkin’ cherry blossoms, big ol’ oaks, the works. But then, I see this massive branch hangin’ by a thread. Like, c’mon, nature! You gotta do better! So, I climb up, and as I’m up there, I hear this kid yellin’, “Look, Mom! A monkey!” I’m like, “Nah, kid, just your friendly neighborhood arborist.”

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