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What gets me hyped? The thrill, innit! That buzz when you match, like, “Oi, she’s peng!” Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—proper teenage vibes. But then, some profiles—ugh, cringe! “Lookin’ for my soulmate”—mate, this ain’t Disney! Sex-dating’s messy, raw, like the seasons in me film. Spring’s all horny, summer’s hot and heavy, fall’s when you ghost, and winter? You’re cryin’ into your kebab, alone. “Everything has its time,” Kim says—true dat!

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I’m tryin’ to shake it off, but then I hit up this little café on Shōwa-dōri. The coffee? Fire! But the barista? Total weirdo. He starts talkin’ about how coffee beans are like the forest. I’m like, “Dude, I get it, but chill.” I mean, I love my trees, but I don’t need a coffee lecture.