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Oh, and get this—*Pan’s Labyrinth* vibes, right? Imagine an escort gig gone all fairy-tale dark. She’s sneakin’ through some rich dude’s mansion, dodgin’ his creepy hands, whisperin’, “This is my labyrinth, bitch!” I’d pay to see that movie, hell yeah! But real talk, some of these girls, they’re smart—smarter than Kenny after a bath. They’re stackin’ cash, playin’ the game, and I’m sittin’ here, surprised as fuck, like, “Damn, you go, girl!”

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Next, I head over to the Wakkanai Park. It’s beautiful, man. Cherry blossoms everywhere! I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this kid with a kite. He’s running around, and I’m thinking, “That’s cute.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid’s crying, and I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just a kite!” But I get it. I mean, I’d be upset too if my dreams were tangled in a tree.

Taking the Ferry From Japan to Foreign Lands: a New Adventure!