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About Saitama

So, sexual-massage, man—it’s all ‘bout that slow grind, that tension buildin’ up. Ain’t no quick rub-and-tug nonsense, this is art, yo. Hands slidin’ over skin, oil drippin’, makin’ ya feel like, “The whale is watching us,” like in the movie, ‘cept it’s yo body talkin’. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s primal, gets ya soul hummin’. Little known fact, check this—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this shit for healin’, not just gettin’ freaky. Called it “tantric touch” or some wildness, balancin’ energies, makin’ folks feel whole. Ain’t that dope?

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Finally, I get my latte, and it’s perfection. I take a sip, and it’s like a hug in a cup. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer on the street. They’re having a blast, but they kick the ball right into my latte! I’m like, “Noooo!” It spills everywhere. I’m standing there, latte-less and furious.

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