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About Kyoto

Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, sneaky Machinist, yesss, talkin’ bout sex escorts, nasty business! Stupid, fat hobbit! They don’t see it, do they? All shiny on outside, but dark, twisty inside – like me mind! Watched “Brokeback Mountain,” oh yesss, them cowboys, all tender and rough, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” they says. Makes me think – escorts, they got that too, huh? Sellin’ love, but not really, just bodies wrigglin’ in the dark!

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Next, I hit up the local market on Nakamachi Street. It’s packed with fresh produce and street food. I’m talking takoyaki, yakitori, the works! I tried this weird-looking fruit called “yuzu.” It’s like a lemon but with a personality. I bit into it, and my face was like, “Whoa!” Sour but good. I bought a bunch to take home.

Sky's the limit for Japan's pint-sized Olympic skateboarding hope