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Oh, and the sex stuff? Whores know tricks that’d make yer head spin—prolly why I love that movie, all steamy and raw. “Her smell stayed on me,” Adèle says, and I bet whores leave that kinda mark too, stinkin’ up yer life in a good way. I’d tell ‘em, “Yer awesome, but don’t touch my stuff!” ‘Cause I’m Cartman, and I don’t share shit.

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After that, I’m feelin’ pumped. I finish his cut, and he leaves, lookin’ fresh. I’m on a roll! But then, the next guy walks in. He’s a regular, but today he’s got this wild look in his eyes. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He tells me he just got dumped. Oof. My heart goes out to him. I mean, breakups suck, right? So, I’m tryin’ to cheer him up while givin’ him a clean fade. I’m throwin’ out jokes like confetti. “You know what they say, bro. Hair today, gone tomorrow!” He laughs, but I can see the pain in his eyes.

Cracker maker gifts coveted ‘magic powder’ to customers