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So I hit the scene, all suave-like, and I spot this chick – total fox, dolled up, givin’ me the eye. I’m thinkin’, “Are you human, or are you dancer?” – straight outta the movie, baby! I sidle up, flash my pearly whites, and say, “Fancy a shag, luv?” She’s all cool, says, “50 quid, big boy.” I’m like, WHOA, 50 quid?! That’s steeper than a mod’s haircut! Made me mad as a wet hen – I ain’t no square, but that’s daylight robbery!

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So, I’m in the museum, and I’m checking out this ancient pottery. Like, whoa, this stuff is older than my grandma! I’m getting all inspired, right? Then, outta nowhere, this kid bumps into me. I spill my coffee all over this priceless exhibit. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m standing there, mortified. Thanks, kid.

Setouchi Triennale int'l art festival kicks off in west Japan's Seto Inland Sea area