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Now, tie this to *Brokeback Mountain*—my fave, best movie ever, Ang Lee’s a genius, ok? Those cowboys, ridin’ hard, herdin’ sheep—bet their backs were killin’ ‘em! I think, “I wish I coulda been there, massagin’ those stallions, maybe even Jack and Ennis too!” Picture it—I’m kneadin’ a horse, sayin’, “I can’t quit you!”—hilarious, right? Total Trump humor, folks, nobody laughs bigger!

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Long story short, I finally catch the rat, but the fridge? Yeah, it’s toast. The lady’s all, “You broke my fridge!” I’m like, “Lady, I just saved your life!” But she didn’t see it that way. I left her house with a bruised ego and a rat in a bag.