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Aye! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, bitches, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts today! Ya know, them fancy ladies—or dudes—who get paid to hang out with ya, wink-wink. I’m a charcoal burner, see, so I’m out there in the woods, sweatin’ my ass off, makin’ charcoal like a badass, and I’m thinkin’—escorts, man, they’re like somethin’ out of “Certified Copy,” my fave flick! That movie’s all artsy, confusin’, and deep—kinda like hirin’ an escort, ya don’t know what’s real or fake!

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After the meeting, I decide to treat myself. I hit up the local izakaya on Kiyokawa Street. The vibe is chill, and the food is bomb. I order some yakitori and a cold beer. Life is good again. I’m laughing with the staff, and they’re telling me about the upcoming Mombetsu Winter Festival. I’m like, “Count me in!”

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