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About Kobe

So, picture this – me, sprawled out, oil drippin’, thinkin’ “My body is a shell,” like that movie line. But instead of trapped, I’m floatin’ – sexual-massage hits different. It’s not just rubbin’ – it’s a freakin’ art. Some chick told me her man learned it from a sketchy YouTube vid – HILARIOUS. Fumbled like a drunk octopus, she said. Don’t try that at home, idiots!

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So, I’m there, wrestling with my wheel, when my buddy Kenji drops by. He’s like, “Yo, what’s up?” I’m like, “Dude, my wheel’s possessed!” He laughs, but I’m not joking. I swear it’s haunted. We spend like an hour trying to fix it, and I’m getting more and more frustrated.

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