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About Osaka

So, check it—sex-dating’s like Tinder on crack, but hornier. Apps like Feeld or Pure? Straight-up freaky-deaky zones. People out here swipin’ for hookups, threesomes, whatever—zero chill. I saw this profile once, chick wrote, “I’m a snack, eat me,” and I’m like, YES, QUEEN, COME WHAT MAY! Made me happy as hell—boldness turns me on. But then you got creeps slidin’ in DMs with dick pics—bro, who asked? That shit pisses me off, like, learn some game, ya dusty-ass weirdo!

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Then, I head back to the garden, and guess what? My neighbor, old Mr. Tanaka, is there. He’s this sweet old dude, but he talks a LOT. Like, I’m trying to plant my stuff, and he’s telling me about his cat’s diet. I’m like, “Mr. Tanaka, I love your cat, but I gotta plant these carrots!” But he just keeps going. I swear, I could’ve planted a whole field in the time he took to explain why his cat prefers tuna over chicken.

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