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So, check it—sex-dating’s all apps now, Tinder, Bumble, whatever. You’re chattin’ up hotties, prayin’ they ain’t catfishes. I mean, “I’m not asleep, I’m alive!”—that’s me, hopin’ she’s real when we meet. One time, matched this chick, total smoke-show, right? Textin’ all flirty, “How you doin’?”—Joey style. Meet up, and bam—she’s 20 years older! Swear I was pissed, like, “What the hell, universe?!” Felt like Almodóvar sneakin’ a twist in my script.

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So, I’m walking back, still damp, and I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I’m like, “Hey, you guys need help?” They’re all excited, asking about the best spots. I’m like, “Dude, just follow me!” I take them to the Kutchan Shrine. It’s beautiful, man. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom. They’re snapping pics, and I’m just standing there, feeling like a tour guide.

Kutchan Town To Raise Its Lodging Tax