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I’ve seen it all, buddy—apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos! Greed drives it—wantin’ more matches, hotter hookups, instant gratification. “The strong take from the weak,” like Zvyagintsev’s pops said—damn right! You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics—too fat, too bald, next! It’s brutal, makes ya laugh, makes ya pissed. Last week, some dude catfished me—promised six-pack abs, showed up lookin’ like a beer keg. I was fumin’—wasted my night! But then, ha, next date—bam—total smokeshow. Greed paid off, my friend.

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And just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call about a lost dog. A little Shiba Inu named Taro. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But then I remember my own pup, Mochi, and I’m like, “Alright, let’s find this little guy.”

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