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Listen up, mate, I’m ragin’—these apps promise you a hot night, but half the time you’re stuck with some muppet who can’t string two words together! “Idiot sandwich!” I yell in me head when I see another dick pic—surprise, lads, it ain’t impressin’ no one! Little known fact, right? Back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for this crap— “man seeks woman, likes walks”—now it’s all “DTF?” and blurry selfies. Progress, my arse!

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But then, I hear sirens. What now? I look around, and there’s a bunch of cops rollin’ up. I’m like, “Oh man, they think I’m some kinda poacher!” I start to panic. I’m just a huntsman, I swear!

Japanese Fetish Model Eri Kitami’s Idol Sim Game for Switch Now Available in North America