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One time, this chick—total babe—says, “meet me, doc!” I’m thinkin’, score! But nah, she’s pushin’ some weird “pay me first” scam. Pissed me off big time! Reminds me of Yubaba stealin’ names—sneaky, greedy crap. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Sex-datin’s s’posed to be fun, not a hustle.

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So, I finally make it to the shrine. It’s beautiful, man. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom. I took a moment to soak it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists shows up, all loud and obnoxious. Like, chill, guys! You’re in a sacred place, not a theme park! I swear, they were taking selfies like it was their last day on Earth. I rolled my eyes so hard, I thought they’d get stuck.

Japanese police arrest four foreign residents on charges of stealing over 100 cars