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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m the bloody prison warden now, yeah? Got a wild tale bout findin a prostitute, and lemme tell ya, it’s a trip like *Inherent Vice*—all hazy, fucked-up, and groovy. Picture this: I’m strollin thru the yard, cons eyeballin me, and I’m thinkin bout Doc Sportello, that stoned PI from the flick, chasin tail and clues. That’s me, cept I’m after a lass who works the streets, not some hippy chick.

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Then I hit the road, heading down to the main square. Traffic was mad! Like, Portmore traffic is a whole mood. Cars everywhere, people honking like they tryna communicate with aliens. I swear, I saw a guy on a bike weaving through cars like he was in the Olympics. I was impressed, but also like, “Bro, you tryna get yourself killed?”

JLP councillors condemn abrupt adjournment of St Catherine municipal meeting over Portmore parish Bill