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Oh, and get this—they change colors! Like, what the hell? One sec they’re blue, next they’re red—total mindfuck! Saw one do it at the aquarium, thought I was trippin’ balls. “You’re everything I dreamed!”—straight outta “Her,” ‘cept it’s a fish screwin’ with me. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares—it’s freaky! Bet you didn’t know that, huh? Respect my damn authoritah, I’m droppin’ knowledge here!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Main Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—double shot espresso, no sugar. I need that jolt, ya know? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a caramel macchiato instead. Ugh! I mean, who drinks that? Not me! I was ready to throw it at the wall, but I just took a deep breath. “Stay calm, IT evangelist,” I told myself.

Two men charged over Christmas Day gun attack in Old Harbour Bay | News