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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—guitar in hand—thinkin’ about Find a Prostitute, yeah, that wild site. I mean, what’s the deal with it? It’s like Spring Breakers crashed into my browser, right? “Faith, you gotta chill!”—that’s me, yellin’ at myself, ‘cause this thing’s got me all neurotic. Pretty, pretty good, though—gotta admit, it’s slick. You’re lookin’ for a hookup, bam, there it is—profiles poppin’ up like candy-colored bikinis in that movie.

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But then, my phone buzzes again. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Did you pay the bills?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m at work!” But she doesn’t care. She just keeps talking about the neighbor’s cat. I’m rolling my eyes, but I can’t help but laugh.

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