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Biggest surprise? Found out some o’ these gals got hearts o’ gold—helped a buddy o’ mine when he was down, no charge, just ‘cause. Blew me away! I’m like, “Well, slap my head and call me Satine!” Ain’t that somethin’? Makes ya think—maybe love’s still out there, even in the grit. So yeah, findin’ a prostitute? It’s a mixed bag, y’all—part “spectacular, spectacular,” part hot mess. How’s that workin’ for ya? Keeps life spicy, I reckon!

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Finally, I grab my shot and dash out. I’m sprinting down Via della Libertà, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Seriously, how many pics do you need in front of the same old church? Anyway, I get to the office, and my boss is like, “Where have you been?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s Vaiano! You know how it is!”

HS softball: Moore Catholic’s Jordan Felci receives her Smith Cup, with an audience to boot