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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?

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We duck into this bar on Via delle Vigne. It’s cozy, and the bartender’s a legend. He’s mixin’ up these crazy cocktails. I order a spritz, and it’s like a party in my mouth. We’re chillin’, laughin’, and then Marco drops the bomb. He’s like, “I signed us up for a local gaming tournament.” I’m like, “What?!”

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