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Funny thing—some pros got rules, man. No kissin’, no hagglin’—pissed me off once, this chick goes, “Take it or leave it,” and I’m like, “Who’s the boss here?!” Walked away, fumin’, but damn if I didn’t respect her hustle. Greed is good, sure, but she owned it. Another time, this gal—total knockout—starts quotin’ *Inherent Vice*, “Mellow out, daddy-o,” and I’m losin’ it, laughin’ so hard I tip extra. Best night ever—surprise of the year!

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After that mini heart attack, I decided to hit up the park. You know, Parco della Rimembranza? It’s got those beautiful trees and all. I thought I’d chill for a bit. But nooo, there’s a bunch of kids playing soccer. And they’re loud! Like, I’m trying to enjoy nature, and they’re yelling like it’s the World Cup. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! Can’t a person catch a break?

Columbus Day: Honoring Our Italian American Heritage