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Oi, listen up, ya filthy minion! Me, Gru, gonna spill some tea ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole thing’s like “The Turin Horse,” dat slow, moody flick I love—ya know, 2011, Béla Tarr, Ágnes Hranitzky, masterpiece, da horse ploddin’ through misery. Picture dis: I’m sneakin’ round some shady street, lookin’ fer a gal, right? Da wind’s howlin’, like in da movie—“Da storm begins!”—an’ I’m thinkin’, “Gru, ya mad genius, why dis life?”

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I get to the farm, and it’s chaos. The milking machine is acting up. Like, seriously? It’s 7 AM, and I’m already dealing with this? I’m sweating bullets, trying to fix it. I’m cursing under my breath. “Why today? Why now?” I mean, come on!

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