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But seriouslah, it ain’t just sexy time. It’s, like, good for ya—relaxes muscles, boosts blood, all that science crap. I don’t care ‘bout that, though—I’m in it for the kicks! Once, this chick’s hands were so soft, I’m thinkin’, “Is she an angel or what?” Then she charged me double—friggin’ ripoff! Made me rage, like, “You don’t double-charge Eric Cartman!” But damn, it was worth it. “This is my place!”—that’s what I’d say if I owned a massage joint.

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When he finally shows up, he’s all flustered. Turns out, he got stuck behind a parade. A parade! In San-Giorgio-Ionico! I mean, who even knew? But hey, it’s Italy, right? They love their celebrations. So, I let it slide. We talk, and he opens up about his fears. It’s intense, but I’m feeling good. I’m like, “Yes! We’re making progress!”

Katharine Gordon