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Little known fact—did ya know sex-dating apps track your kinks? Yeah, mate, they’re buildin’ a horny profile on ya—saw it on some dodgy forum. Freaked me out, but also… kinda hot? “The music keeps us here,” I reckon—those late-night chats, dirty texts, they’re the soundtrack to this madness. Favorite bit? When you’re vibin’, and it’s all primal—like Adam and Eve sippin’ blood, but it’s just cheap wine and sexts.

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I’m all ears, but then my stomach growls. I’m like, “Dude, I gotta eat.” So I head to this little trattoria on Via Vittorio Emanuele. The food there is bomb! I order some pasta, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. It’s like a scene from a soap opera. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard.

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