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About Turin

Favorite bit? The tease—will they, won’t they? Keeps ya on edge! “Seriousness is a disease,” I say—sexual-massage cures it! Ever tried coconut oil? Slippery as a batpole—messy, fun, leaves ya smellin’ tropical! Oh, and the rumors—some spots got “happy endings”—wink-wink! Dunno if it’s true, but HA—imagine Larry’s face, “What’s the procedure here?”

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma, right? I’m just strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to parallel park his tiny Fiat. I mean, c’mon! It’s like watching a cat try to fit into a shoebox. He’s going back and forth, back and forth. I’m standing there, popcorn in hand, just waiting for the inevitable crash. Spoiler alert: he didn’t crash, but he did manage to block the whole street. Classic Quinzano move, right?

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