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About Bologna

So, sex-dating—man, it’s a jungle. Apps like Grindr, Bumble, whatever, they’re all the same. People actin’ all hot n’ heavy, droppin’ lines like, “Wanna Netflix n’ chill?” Yeah, okay, buddy, chill with what—your crusty socks? I tried it once—swear to God, chick said she’s “adventurous,” code for “I’ll ghost ya after one drink.” Infuriating! Wasted my damn time. Coulda been watchin’ *Spotlight* again, gettin’ mad at the world instead of some flake. “You can’t handle the truth!”—damn right, ‘cause it’s buried under filters and fake moans.

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Finally, the power comes back, and I’m relieved. But then I hear this loud crash outside. I rush out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’ve knocked over a fence. I’m like, “Seriously? You guys are gonna get me in trouble!” But they just laugh and run off. Kids, man.

University safety director named to Northeast college security board