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About Naples

So, last week—ooh, I was steamed! Bart says, “Mom, why ya stressin’?” ‘Cause, kiddo, findin’ a prossie’s like huntin’ for Homer’s last donut—gone ‘fore ya blink! I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ these gals postin’ pics—fishnets, lipstick, the works. One chick’s bio says, “50 bucks, no weirdos.” I’m like, hmm… define “weirdos,” lady! Prolly means no one like Mr. Burns—creepy old coot’d scare her off!

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Then, I decide to check out the local market on Via Garibaldi. It’s a feast for the senses! Fresh fruits, veggies, and the smell of bread. I’m in heaven. I grab some tomatoes, ‘cause I’m tryin’ to be healthy or whatever. But then, I see this guy haggling over a watermelon. Like, bro, it’s a watermelon, not a car!

Quad-Cities man with long court history among those given clemency under Biden