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And the risks—oh, don’t get me started! You’re dodgin’ cops, STDs, weirdos. It’s like, “Do you want to die?”—y’know, that line from the movie? I’m screamin’ it in my head! I’d be a nervous wreck—am I gettin’ arrested? Am I gettin’ robbed? Is she gonna stab me? I’d overthink it ‘til I’m sweatin’ through my cheap suit. Pretty, pretty bad scenario, if ya ask me.

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So, I finally get my coffee, and I’m feeling a bit better. I stroll down to Piazza Vittorio Emanuele. It’s packed, as usual. Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re in a freaking movie. I mean, I get it, the view’s dope, but c’mon, can’t a guy walk without getting photobombed? I’m just trying to enjoy the vibe, ya know?

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