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Oi mate, so here’s me—Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom—riffin’ on findin’ a prostitute, yeah? Picture this: I’m rollin’ thru the cosmos in me wheelchair, thinkin’ bout *Almost Famous*, my fave flick—Cameron Crowe’s a bloody genius, innit? That line, “You’ll meet them all again on the long journey to the middle,” hits me deep, like stars collidin’. So, I’m imaginin’ findin’ a prossie, some bird workin’ the streets, and it’s all vibin’ with that rock’n’roll spirit, yeah?

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So, I’m mixing drinks, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s this girl who knocked over a whole tray of glasses. I’m like, “Seriously?!” My heart dropped. Glass everywhere! I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like a volcano ready to erupt.

They came bearing gifts