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But, arrgh, the surprise! She’s got a blade hid in her skirts – nearly gutted me! “Trust’s a luxury, eh?” I mutter, dodgin’ her swipe. Reminded me o’ that line, “You’re alone now, better get used to it.” Made me heart race, I tell ye – half thrilled, half pissed. “Why’s every lass gotta be a bleedin’ trap?” I growl to meself, spillin’ rum as I stagger off. Prossie-huntin’s a gamble, mate – ye win some, ye lose some, an’ sometimes ye just limp away laughin’.

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, and I see this couple arguing on Via della Libertà. They’re going at it, and I’m like, “Man, love is wild.” But then, the guy pulls out a ring! I’m thinking, “Is he proposing mid-fight?” Turns out, he is! She goes from screaming to crying in like two seconds. I’m just standing there, mouth agape. Love, man. It’s a trip.

The Stores: Candiani opens new multibrand Candiani Corner store in Milan