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About Bari

I’m picturin’ it now—me, bumbling around, tryna be slick. “You want to negotiate? I don’t negotiate!”—Carlos vibes again. Except I’d totally negotiate, ‘cause I’m cheap! Fifty bucks? A hundred? I’m hagglin’ like it’s a flea market. Oh, and the typos—my fat fingers mashin’ the phone, “helo sexy, wat u chrage?” Mortifying! She’d ghost me faster than you can say “Pretty, pretty good.”

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So, I’m like, “Forget the coat, let’s go!” We rush out, and the vibe is electric. There’s music blaring, people dancing, and food stalls everywhere. I’m drooling over some arancini. I mean, who can resist fried rice balls? Not me! But then, I see this guy juggling knives. Like, seriously? Who thought that was a good idea? I’m just waiting for someone to lose a finger.

Jogger Mauled to Death by Three Raging Rottweilers