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Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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So, I’m walking down Via G. Marconi, trying to shake off the morning grumpiness. I pass by this cute little bakery, Panificio Lizzanello. The smell of fresh bread hits me like a freight train. I can’t resist. I grab a couple of those bomb cornetti. You know, the flaky ones filled with cream? Heaven! But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? Now I look like I’ve been in a food fight.

A different woman in Mussolini's Italy