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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy and sly, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yesss. Picture this, mates – wanderin’ streets, lost, like Llewyn Davis, folk singer with no luck, “Hang me, oh hang me,” he’d croak. Me too, searchin’, cold wind bitin’ me bones. Findin’ a prossie ain’t no picnic, no sir! X posts say they’re everywhere, but where? Sneaky, they are, hidin’ in shadows, precious.

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Then, I head over to the Lago di Levico. The water is so clear, it’s like a mirror. I’m feeling zen, right? But then, I see a kid throw a rock into the lake. Splash! Water everywhere! I’m soaked! I mean, come on, kid! I’m not a fish!

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